Salty Camping Jokes and Humor

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Funny But Salty Camping Jokes and Humor Ahead!

Contains probably tasteless camping jokes and humor. Definitely not Politically Correct, probably rude and crude, and possibly offensive to some. You have been warned!

Plus some camping videos you might feel a little guilty laughing at. (Definitely not PC)

For your sanity, (and possible salvation), here is an escape link to take you back to PG-rated camping jokes page.

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This page is still under construction. Anticipated completion date: Never – there are always new jokes to add.

Deer Camp Buddies:
A group of hunting buddies arrived for their annual week at deer camp.
They had to bunk two to a room, but no body wanted to bunk with Daryl because he snored so loud.
To be fair, they decided to take turns, rotating bunks every day.

The first morning Daryl’s bunk-mate showed up for breakfast with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, “Man, what happened to you?”.
He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I Just sat up all night and watched him”.

The next night – a different guy, but the same results.
Staggered to breakfast with his hair standing up, red bloodshot eyes. and unshaven.
They said, “Man, you look awful! What happened?”
“Man, that Daryl snores so loud he shakes the room.
All I could do was sit up watching him all night”.

The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a real man’s man, a big burly ex-football player.
When Frank showed up for breakfast all bright eyed and bushy-tailed, he just smiled and said, “Morning guys.”
They couldn’t believe it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, “Man, what happened?”
“Well,” Frank said, “When we got ready for bed, I went over and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his ass and kissed him good night.”
“Daryl sat up and watched me all night, as I slept like a baby.”

Little Johnny goes camping:
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he runs to his teachers tent and asks “Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?”.
His teacher replies “NO”
Johnny starts crying and says “But my mommy lets me”.
Moved by his tears the teacher replies, “OK then, but just for tonight.”
Little Johnny jumps into her sleeping bag, snuggles up, and asks “Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger”.
Shocked by his request she again says “NO”.
Again with the crying; “But my mommy lets me” says Little Johnny again.
“Alright, alright, but you have to go to sleep” replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming “THAT’S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON”
Little Johnny replies “And that ain’t my finger either”.

Little Johnny and the Game Warden:
A game warden spotted Little Johnny leaving the woods with a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped Little Johnny and asked him, “Where did you get that turkey?”
Little Johnny replied, “What turkey?”
The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.”
Little Johnny looks down and said, “Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!”
Getting mad, the game warden said, “Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.”
If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I’ll break your arm.
“You get it? Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?”
Little Johnny thought a minute and said, “Well then,I guess I’ll just kiss his azz and let him go!”

And speaking of Rednecks …
A young couple from up-North are camping on the shores of a lake in Georgia.

When a camper full of Rednecks pulls into an adjacent campsite the stunningly built young wife decides to give these fellas a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

Her cocky stockbroker husband, thinking he can “have a little fun” with the local folk says, “That’s OK with me, honey, I’ll go get some wood for the fire.”

When he returns to the campsite thirty minutes later he finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted white, the other red and her ass is blue.

“What on earth happened to you dear?” he asks.

“Some of those rednecks campers came over and told me they don’t allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!”

“Damn those trouble-makers! I’ll teach them a lesson!” the husband shouts.

Barging into their campsite he finds a couple of them sitting around the campfire drinking beer. “Who is the SOB that painted my wife red, white and blue!” he shouts.

Just then, the camper door flies open and a huge redneck, about 6′-8,” steps forward, a bottle of Jack Danial’s in one hand and a shotgun in the other. “I did it,” he bellows. “What you got to say about it?”

The husband answers meekly, “I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry.”

The President meets Bubba …
Barack Obama was visiting a group of camper’s kids in the in-field of a Nascar race.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings, when one of the camping moms asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’. So our illustrious president asked the kids for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy said: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama.
‘That’s what we would call great loss.”

The group grew quiet, no other kids volunteered. Obama around, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, realizing the kids were stumped, Bubba said: “If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?”

“Well,’ says Bubba, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss… and you can bet your ass it probably wasn’t an accident either.”

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Related Topics:

Scary Campfire Story Teller

• Scary campfire stories, and how to tell them – Tips and Tricks

Here are some handy resources and pieces of camp gear you might be interested in:

Boy Scout Handbooks

Don’t laugh – think about it first, a Boy Scout Handbook can be one of the most helpful pieces of general camping gear you can have when you are camping with kids!

It is especially helpful to new campers, but can also be handy and useful to experienced campers as well.

This handbook contains easy to understand answers and how-to’s for almost any camping question or situation. Plus, it contains plant and foliage identifications, campsite activity suggestions, woodcraft project suggestions, (with instructions), knot tying tips and instructions, ( a great fill-in for bad weather situations), survival tips, and detailed primary first aid instructions.

Boy Scout Handbook
You would have to buy several of those other “camping with kids books” to even come close to the useful content of a Scout handbook

Here are some other samples of camping gear, accessories, and tools, available on Amazon, that will make your outdoor camping trip as fun and enjoyable as you want it to be. And you will be surprised at the value when you see how inexpensive they are when you buy them online.

You might also like:

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